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Hello. What does it feel like to be you - right now?


If you asked me "How are you?", I'd probably reply fine or alright. Yet, neither fine nor alright are feelings. By using them, I guess I often said more about the person asking and/or the context we were in, than how I was actually doing.

Like: I don't know you enough, or I don't trust you to reply appropriately or maybe just I don't want talk about it at this time or in this place.

So - what does it feel to be me right now?

Confident about sticking to my intent of making things differently in the second half of my life. Because this is probably the polar opposite of my usual first post on a social network. Because I'm confident about answering the question honestly. With awareness for the bittersweet contradicting notion of both grief for the past and hope for the future. As well as being aware that any moment, my brain can start creating different stories about whatever I feel. But that I can manage.

Hello then: What does it feel like to be you - right now? :)
So - what does it feel to be me right now?

On the one hand I'm quite enjoying this new social network over here and reflecting upon its pros and cons. The interaction model intrigues me - its privacy is somewhat between a public twitter and a personal facebook page, with lots of customization options. Excited about the future! Down with Facebook!

On the other hand, a lot of dread and anxiety about the state of the world in general. Climate breakdown, general destabilization, fascism on the rise - all things that need a lot of willpower to block out. And at the same time, having the privilege to even block it out - for many, that's not an option.

Working on a lot of personal art projects (flashy lights + animations synchronized with a DJ software or DAW) is a continuous source of joy since last October.

Partner + me making ourselves at home in the space we're inhabiting for half a year now, a big, long term project that's both enjoyable and also has an "ungh, why does this furniture not deliver + install itself?!" component.

Sadness about having to cut ties with old friends, because they turned out to be too egotistic for me to even engage with the subject/trying to improve the situation.

Isolation. Very much yearning for more in-person contact, which hopefully will be an option soon, getting my second shot tonight.

Always somewhere between bursts of energy + productivity and lying exhausted in a corner, annoyed with the lack of energy to get things done, both of the "really have to" and "really want to" kind. Thanks, ADHD!
Hello human!
Hello human!
This entry was edited (4 hours ago)